my mind's playin tricks on me

alright, so i know i said things i felt like i mean. but why is it that when he's finally letting go, i try coming back?
its hard having to deal with all the bullshit he gives me. but in a way i feel like im being selfish because i want everything my way. i mean, is it wrong to expect so much out of somebody? am i wrong for wanting what i want. i mean, yeah. ive felt fed up with all the bullshit, and all of a sudden i feel like what i'm doin is wrong. maybe im just doubting myself, or maybe im just giving in again cause im too comfortable with him. maybe i still do love him? maybe i dont. i really dont know.

my girl mel tells me im lucky to have him chase after me after all the shit i do to him. after treating him like crap, and yellin for no apparent reason. i'm lucky that he's still willing to risk everything up just to be with me.. but see, i see her point of view. but she doesn't really understand where im comin from. yeah he's obviously SHOWS he cares, but sometimes too much is just too much. like the saying, if you hold onto something too tight, i'll just slip away.. that's how i feel. i feel like i was suffocating in a relationship, and i could barely breathe.

maybe i do really need my time for myself. though i find myself finding my way back to him. not cause he's there, but because i want him to. i'm stuck, and i really dont know what to do....