School / finals is killin me. so much to do, so little time. See what happens when i procrastinate. :( oh well, lesson learned.... not really. haha.
okay whatever. fuck school.
Anyways, CHRISTMAS is around the corner! im so excited. i have yet to go shopping though. and shit, im already broke :( i need to stop buying stuff for myself. haha. Dec. 5 was my company's christmas party at Senor Frogs. I had a BOMB ASS time. :) Pictures! Before we went in. Us 4 were LATE cause we wanted to go shopping first. haha. Gah damn, he was hottt ;] Just the young ladies.
I had fun! oh wells, im out. got a shit load of homework to finish.
i want to leave, SO bad. but why does he always have to go to the point where im stuck with a decision to choose to care or not. see, i worry about him. but feelings are GONE. why is it so hard for him to fully understand this? why does he make me go through decisions, where i only tend to GIVE IN to him. i'm stuck, seriously. you see, i want to just be friend cause feelings are so... i dont even know where it went. but he pulls stunts that make me worry and i always end up giving in. what do i do when he threatens to kill himself, and all that bullshit? what do i do when i know he's really serious about those threats? shit im stuck cause its either stay and be miserable, stay and have to deal with his shit every damn time or leave and watch him do something like that. im stuck in a delima. but i know i'm supposed to do what makes ME happy. cause right now i'm miserable. feels like im only with him because i dont want him to do something stupid cause of me. i mean, am i wrong for stayin? or am i wrong for doing this? i really dont know what to do. why does he make this so hard on me? why doesn't he just accept what has happened between us? its pretty obvious that i havent been acting like i love this guy. and its been this way since about half a year ago. why am i holding on to something that's not good for me. im just stuck cause i want to leave but if i do, i could possibly loose him - physically. & i dont want that to happen. But all i know for sure is that i NEED to be away from him in order for me to fully realize what i want and who i want in my life.
"He done let me down a again, Thats odd. Always hurting me. He dont never stop. Must be something wrong with me, Im lost. Cause I cant quit letting him in my heart. How many times am I gonna let him apologize Before I realize. That he aint worth it, no. How many times he gone light me before I blow This is critical. Here I go.
Damn Im sick and tired of how he keep on lying. Damn Im sick and tired of feeling like Im dying. So, no more complaining. Either put up with it or let it go. Damn Im sick and tired of making up and breaking up. And Im over being alone when I wake up. So, no more complaining. Either put up with it or let it go.
I should be packing up again, Thats odd And this time I aint playing, Im a call it off I know I shouldnt want revenge But its a thought And maybe if I paid him back I could move on How many times am I gonna let him tear me down Let him hang around He aint worth it, no How many times he gone light me before I blow This is critical So here I go
Damn I wish I knew then What I know now Damn I wish I never given you the benefit of the doubt I cant believe Im going through this Boy you got me like whoa And all the dirty little secrets Now I know what youre all about Oh, and ooh ooh baby I think I done had enough I think its time that you go away I just cant take it I think I done had enough" -Mila J.
damn, it's about time i get myself out of the damn house. thanks diane :] my girlllll. i should def start gettin back in the scene. i miss it dammmn much. tonight was a good night ;] got to see familiar faces which made me happy :] made new friends, though i totally forgot all their names. omg so srry. haha. but i DO remember there were alot of people to stare at, if you know what i mean ;] dammmmn. especially this one dude. mmhm. i never wanted to leave, too bad i did though.
shit, right when things start to get fun someone goes on and ruins my every bit of fun. i know he don't even have the right to do this but he goes on and does! and i guess its my fault too cause i let him do that. i mean, it feels like everytime i try to go out and have my fun -- he goes and finds countless ways to ruin my every ounce of fun. Seriously. im so sick and tired of his bullshit and im finally tryin to rethink my situation with him. all i want to do is have fun, and i cant do that when im with him.
i want this to be over. why can't he understand that, and me MATURE about it? fuck, he's 20 and he still acts too damn immature. and im so disgusted and sick of having to "babysit" i know im better than that, and i deserve so much better. though, i find it so hard to get away from him cause he keeps tryin and tryin. "/
